Oh the Depravity ... the Depravity!!!

Everyone who is sick of Paris Hilton's jail debacle masquerading as "news," say aye.

Aye.

The relentless coverage of Hilton's movements in and out of jail by even generally respectable news sources as BBC and NPR is either a testatment to the ills of our country's news media or the sheer stupidity of the American public. Or perhaps its an indication of both. I certainly wouldn't rule that out—a self-reinforcing cycle that makes everyone poorer.

My consumption of the day's news, which included coverage of GW's meeting with Pope Benedict after the G8 Conference, was rudely interrupted by more video footage of Paris being stuffed into a police car. To add insult to injury, CNN called in an "expert" to analyze why young girls look up to Paris Hilton (do young girls really look up to a woman so ridiculed by every realm of mass media?) and what harm her misbehavior might have on their young psyches.

Are you fucking kidding me?

If Paris Hilton is your young daughter's role model, then you are a really, really shitty parent and probably have no one to blame but yourself.

So after a good 15 minutes of pondering Paris Hilton's influence over young minds—seriously I wouldn't be surprised if there are news reports on Hilton's (or other celebrity's for celebrity sake) affect on the American economy or national security—the news returned to ... well ... news.

So here are some of the actual news stories you may have missed while watching Hilton sob on her way back to the clinker:

Bush Meets Pope Benedict XVI For the First Time

Bomber Kills at least 12 Iraqi Soldiers

Shuttle Atlantis Appears to have Flawless Liftoff

NASA Leader Regrets Global Warming Comments

TB Patient Says Officials Are Trying to Blame Him to Cover Mistakes