library etiquette

I will take a brief break from getting my ass kicked by this film paper to provide you with The Top 5 Things You Shouldn't Do In A Library So That You Won't Be The Victim of a Most Horrible Violation:

5) Talk very loudly on your cellphone. No one wants to hear your uninteresting one-sided conversation. We're already suffering enough trying to study and write papers, jackass.

4) Leave your cellphone on the table when you leave to go do god knows what and forget to put it on silent and it rings and rings and rings some awful techno crap straight out of the eighties AND blinks obnoxious colors that are more distracting than facebook. You're a jerk and I hate you.

3) Sit right next to me when there are a million other tables you could work at. Chances are I don't like you, so go away. Plus you probably smell funny.

2) Meander back and forth through the stacks wearing high heels that make clicking noises that echo through the entire library. NO you don't look good in those heels and they make you walk funny, like some poor crippled animal.

1) Make a lot of noise while getting out of your chair (b/c the library ppl were brilliant and didn't put rolly chairs in the library but instead opted for the chairs that are capable of making the loudest noise possible when slid) b/c you are an idiot and don't understand that you pulling the chair out is going to make lots of noise and make people (people being me) incredibly unhappy. Fuck off, you are the ultimate library bastard.

Now back to my regularly scheduled academic ass kicking.