03 December 2004

sooner or later this cold, it's gonna break and our words'll be heard again

~sigh~. yet another day where sean and i have not spoken a word to each other. another day where he didn't call when he said he would. another day where i couldn't get a hold of him, if even to just say hello, because (big surprise), his cellphone was not charged. you'd think incidences like these would become more sporadic as our time together grows increasingly shorter. but no. they actually seem to be increasing. what i find most interesting and unsual about this usual day is the fact that i'm not seething with anger like i usually am. perhaps it is because i am exhausted. or perhaps it is because an overwhelming sense of disappointment has hegemony over my other emotions. it's amazing what you will put up with time and time again for someone that you love. this, my friends, is the sound of settling. sean was right to say that i shouldn't have to just settle for the way things are. in fact, neither of us should. but i have come to suspect that settling for the way things are is perhaps the single greatest and most diffcult thing you can do for someone you truly care for.

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